Issue 32: Friends 5Ever
On community, group projects, and going further together.
🤝 You’ve got a friend in me
This weekend, I had the immense privilege of spending three beautiful days with my high school best friends. We try to see each other as often as we can, but having dispersed to far-flung corners of the continent into very intense careers, “as often as we can” generally works out to “every five years, if we’re lucky.” Because we see each other so infrequently, it’s hard not to get a little nervous before these reunions. We all change as we grow up, and adulthood — my early 20s in particular — taught me that you can’t always take supportive friendship for granted. But the moment we descended on my friend Tia’s beautiful new Charlottesville home, I felt a part of me recharge that I didn’t know had run down. We slipped immediately back into easy routines — swapping memories, making new ones, and teasing each other mercilessly over Taskmaster and banana pudding. But more significantly, being around these women for the first time in years, I saw more clearly than ever the parts of them that made me. We talk a lot about the dangers of Bad Influences™ in high school. We don’t talk enough about positive ones. At one of the hardest times in my life, they not only influenced me for the better, but gave me the freedom to become my most authentic self, showing me definitively that even individuality does not truly develop alone.
Like many cultures, design tends to value independence. We all want to be Creative Geniuses™ who come up with Big Ideas™, and as a naturally independent person who mostly works alone, I readily fall into that trap. I pride myself on being a free thinker, and I never want to be influenced by what’s going on around me. In truth, that view is simplistic, shortsighted, and self-defeating. On one hand, true independence is a myth. We are naturally influenced by the world around us. We rely on others for inspiration or materials (it’s not like I’m going to build my own fonts), and even our most innovative thoughts are a direct result of influences we largely can’t even perceive. But on the other, it’s a ridiculous thing to prioritize. We do want to bring new beauty into the world, but what we create will always be far more beautiful for our ability to accept help and collaborate. We each have unique gifts to offer, but paradoxically, it is through the support of those around us that we offer these gifts most effectively.
That’s why this week we’re looking at design through the power of friendship. We’re making friendship bracelets, staying up late talking about our feelings, and going further together than we could ever go alone. Read on for all this and more!
👭 Moodboard of the week
After over a year working intensely on this project, it feels really surreal — and frankly a little scary! — to bring it into the world. That’s why this week’s moodboard is all spaceship launches. Some of them are real, many of them are illustrated because, and I cannot stress this enough, I am so scared of space. All of them represent new adventures and discovery. Click here or below to view the full board on Pinterest!
🔍 Question of the week
“Are there any basics or design tips you think the rest of us non-designers should know? Like how do I make my condo feel more homey and calm as someone with zero aesthetic intuition?”
Design can be really intimidating from the outside. Frankly, it can also be pretty intimidating from the inside. There are so many rules and guidelines to follow, many of which are further open to interpretation, instinct, or personal preference, and whether you’re looking at graphic design or interior design, it can be really hard to know where to start.
While I could give you a list of design maxims and guidelines — and frankly, I may come back to this question in the future and answer it again from that angle — I actually don’t think that’s the most helpful place to start, since most of them do not apply universally. For example, as someone with ADHD, I find that a neat home is much more conducive to focus and, frankly, most aesthetically appealing, which means I can’t have too much stuff around. Meanwhile, many people with the same exact condition find a maximalist approach cozier, more fun to look at, and more supportive to how they live their lives.
With that in mind, there is one system that I universally swear by when it comes to any kind of design: pick a look, and unrelentingly stick with it. When I say pick a look, that can mean anything. It can mean picking an aesthetic you already know you like (for example, pop art, cottage core, botanicals, or Mad Men), or going on Pinterest and creating a board of similar styles and using that as your base (for example, maybe you like clean lines and glowing lights). Or it can mean creating an aesthetic all your own, based solely on what you love. However you come at your look, once you pick it, do not stray. You may find that the interpretation evolves, but when you bring things into your space, always check them against the baseline look. If it supports it, great. If it doesn’t leave it behind, no matter how much you love it.
As an example, I’m currently finishing up my living room design, and I’m building it around an aesthetic that adapts the “manor house library” look to a super modern and progressive style that reflects my personality. This means stately dark green walls, but updated with a touch of teal. It means shelves and shelves of books, but in super bright colors and arranged in rainbow order. I’m hanging butterflies and beetles on the wall, but they’re huge, brightly colored and, of course, made of cardboard. My coffee table is a glass display case, but with clean dark metal edges, and filled with feminist design books and Mini Brands. Everything I want to bring into my space has to be checked against the look. It can be painful to leave things I love behind, but it’s worth it as I watch the space evolve into a coherent space that keeps me calm and happy, and perfectly reflects me and my taste.
This approach may not come easily at first, but the more you follow it, the easier it will be to see when something fits your space and when it doesn’t. Note also that you do not have to pick a look for your whole house – you can absolutely go room by room, unless you really do just have one look you love. Finally, it’s important not to rush the process. It can be tempting to try to force everything to come together at once, but the right things won’t necessarily be available right away. That said, with patience, and by being judicious about what you bring in and how it serves the overall look, you will begin to see everything come together, and I promise the wait will be worth it!
🎧 Soundtrack of the week
This week’s soundtrack is all about friendship – the ways we show up for each other, the ways we affect each other, and what happens after graduation. Preview below, or click here to listen to the full playlist on Spotify.
🚇 My Favorite Things
After December’s Wrapped takedown, I was relieved to see that not every brand fell into the Spotify trap. As a huge fan of public transportation (who lives in a city that has virtually none to speak of), I’m in love with DC Metro’s Rewind project, which sums up each rider’s year in public transportation, shares encouraging sustainability stats, and even assigns archetypes based on riding habits. The information is fun, as is the supporting aesthetic. A total transportation win.
Top picture from Reddit use mweepinc, shared at https://imgur.com/JSrkAxD
Bottom picture from metrorewind.com
🌱 Touching Grass
📖 What I’m reading: I bought like 10 books at Charlottesville’s New Dominion, one of my favorite book stores on Earth, so after finishing James Baldwin’s The Fire Next Time today, I’m planning to read all of them at once.
🥔 What I’m eating: This weekend, my friend Erica gave me the Palestinian cookbook, Zaitoun. Not only is the cover GORGEOUS (seriously, take a look) but every recipe in it looks amazing, and many of them look weeknight-ready. I can’t wait to cook from it this week.
🎧 What I’m listening to: My favorite Irish trad band, Flook, released a new single a few weeks ago, and it’s been on repeat.
📺 What I’m watching: My friend Tia, who hosted us, introduced our group to Taskmaster for the first time. For the uninitiated, Taskmaster is a game show where British comedians compete in random tasks for glory (sort of) and not much else. It’s hilarious, low-stakes, addictive, and perfect for watching with friends.